Yesterday, I threw a temper tantrum. I'm not proud; in fact, I'm extremely embarrassed of how I acted. To add insult to injury, I threw the tantrum in front of my kind, patient husband and small child. I feel like a filthy hypocrite because I see other couples fight and I think, "That's not the right way. You ask questions and use "I” messages."
The second my blood started to boil, those techniques went up in flames. There was only "you," finger pointing and yelling spouting from my mouth. I do deserve a pat on the back because I think the language was PG-ish.
While Brian seems to have forgiven me, I think spiking my sunglasses will forever be cemented in his mind.
I'm not really sure what triggered the one-sided fight; I was the only one doing the yelling. My poor guy just stood there dumbfounded that 30 seconds after walking in the door from work, I was chomping down on the jugular, wriggling my head back and forth, slapping his limp carcass around.
I was so angry yesterday I now understand the term "seeing red."
Here's what bothers me:
- I screamed at my husband in front of my child. My parents NEVER did this. I swore I would NEVER do this, but I couldn't stop. My word vomit wouldn't stop. While I channeled Linda Blair, my baby watched and cried until Brian had enough sense to pick her up. This was the slap in the face I needed.
- Brian seems angry at my behavior. I can see it in his eyes, but he refuses to acknowledge it.
- How can I make it up to him?
Ick … in general not a good month for me.